How to Help a New Mom at Home
It goes without saying that becoming a new parent is a trip and a half. Being almost five months into parenthood, I can definitely say that the first few months are an even mix of joy and pain. Trust me on this. You’ll never know the stress of a sleepless night until you have a baby. And no, those college all-nighters are still no match to a new baby at home!
One part that has been super helpful in getting me through those really tough days has been having an extremely supportive husband. Now, I know I’m blessed to not have to do this alone, but I also know that even a partner at home doesn’t always mean sufficient help for mom. Let’s face it, no matter what, mom is going to bear the bulk of the work that comes with parenting, most certainly within the first year.
Over the past few months, I’ve been able to take notes on a few things that have made all the difference in my day-to-day with baby. I also spoke with a few of my new mom friends and found that these have been some of the most helpful things our partners and our circle have done to help us survive the first year.
Mom guilt is very, very real. And it can show up in many different ways. New moms will feel incredibly guilty for those days when momming gets too hard. She will feel like she’s doing a terrible job when baby can’t be soothed or when Mom is overtired she can’t respond in the loving way she would’ve imagined she would when the baby needs her endlessly. It is exhausting. So the best thing you can do for her is to create a judgement free zone! Let her vent. Let her feel angry and frustrated. Comfort her and remind her that it is OKAY to feel that way. And when she does, proceed to step 2.
For dads, spouses and partners: If on paternity or family bonding leave, work on a schedule with mom where you can take baby from mom and play the primary role so she can shower, self-care, exercise, sleep or do whatever she needs to stay sane. If not on leave, do so when you’re home or off work. She will need breaks consistently so that she can recharge and be ready to give her all.
Wash and sterilize all bottles, pump parts throughout the day so mom can seamlessly feed and not have to multitask watching and feeding baby and cleaning.
Prep meals and snacks for mom so she can eat throughout the day. She won’t often have time to cook for herself so help out by having food ready for her. Breastfeeding will deplete her calories so she’ll be much more hungry and thirsty than normal. Keep her fed and hydrated so she and baby stay healthy.
Learn the baby’s sleep/wake cycle and sleep cues so that when you are caring for baby, you can help mom and baby stay consistent. Breaking the sleep cycle can cause long nights of sleeplessness with a fussy and overtired baby.
Be ready to accommodate her in whatever way she needs. Do not make her feel guilty for needing or asking for help even if you have other things you want to do (like gym or any other personal interests). Being a new mom is a lot harder than it looks, emotionally and physically, so she will need your unwavering support.
For romantic partners: Do not pressure her to have sex. She may not want to, and it has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally. Her body will physically take AT MINIMUM 6-12 weeks to recover, and will still not feel the same for months after. Help her build her confidence with lots of compliments and shower her with love.
For friends and acquaintances, allow mom space to be a mom. Participating in old roles and activities are much more time consuming so asking her to be apart of things can be overwhelming and another source of stress if she feels like she will disappoint you by saying no to helping out or getting involved. Make it easier on her by not putting pressure on her to do things outside of her role as mom.
For my moms out there, what are some other ways you’ve been supported through motherhood? Drop a comment below!